28 questions that bring people closer together
Do you think you know your partner well? Are you definitely on the same page as your best friend? Does no one understand your child better than you do? We often confuse superficial knowledge about a person with true intimacy.
Even if you often and closely communicate with your loved ones, it does not mean that you understand their true motives and desires. You may know where your husband likes to vacation, what group his girlfriend adores and what game his son is into. But you may not suspect what makes a loved one happy, scares, angers, or motivates. But you probably want to know the answers to these questions, don’t you?
As a rule, one person tells you more about themselves than the other. If you take turns asking each other the questions below, it will help to balance the relationship and strengthen intimacy. It will also show your loved one that you really want to know more about him or her.
Start with simple and safe questions:
- What do you do to recover when you have no energy for anything?
- What was the brightest thing about today?
- What character do you think you look like?
- If you had three free days and as much money as you wanted, what would you do?
- Who was your favorite teacher in school and why?
- What’s the most unusual place you’ve been?
- What did your job teach you?
- What hobby would you choose if you weren’t limited by time and money?
- What do you like better: planning or improvising?
- What would you like to learn more about?
- Who helped you become the person you are now, who influenced you the most?
- What do you like to start your day with?
- If all jobs had the same schedule and paycheck, what would you do?
- What are you looking forward to in the near future?
With loved ones, you can raise questions:
- What is one thing that happened today that motivates you to move forward?
- What events have made you stronger?
- What do you think about most often?
- How do you evaluate people?
- What is most important to you in a person and what is unacceptable?
- What do you most often need help with?
- What problem are you trying to solve now?
- What addiction is the hardest for you to break?
- What do you think would help you give it up?
- What healthy habit should you have developed sooner?
- What prompted you to finally do it?
- Has it ever happened to you: something started out badly and ended well?
- If you had one day to live, what would be the first thing you would do?
- What else would you want to tell about yourself?
Watch your interlocutor’s verbal and nonverbal reactions. If he is slow to respond, don’t pressure him. You can share your answers to some questions, but don’t drag the conversation down. Take turns talking, without interrupting each other. The technique is used in family psychotherapy when one or both partners feel that the other is not hearing them.
The main thing is to make the loved one feel that he or she is noticed and accepted, that he or she will not be rejected or argue with him or her. Show genuine interest in the other, certainly accept it – one of the most valuable gifts you can give. Give it a try.
